Get Lucky

Not getting laid sucks. It simply sucks. Getting laid regularly is honestly one of the things I miss the most about relationships.

Like any girl in her twenties with a healthy sex drive, I need sex. I need to have sex every now and then. And I’m not talking about any incontrollable sex addiction here, but just basic human needs.

Since I’m not really into random one-night-stands, the situation unfortunately sometimes evolves into a Big Issue. A week without is fine, but in two I start to feel it. In a month it will start to get on my nerves. In three months, which I would’ve reached in a few days… Well, let’s just say that it's impossible to ignore anymore.

Making things worse, it’s as if the whole topic was a taboo. Although in our group of friends we’re not usually too shy when it comes to talking about our sex lives, this is the one topic we never discuss.

And I quite don’t get it – why? Out of sight (or talks), doesn’t here mean that the issue would be out of mind.

On the contrary, I've realized that being all open about it might actually help. The other day, a few girl colleagues and I were sitting over some after work drinks, and the genie was let out of the bottle. We were going through a check on our relationship statuses – “Single”, “Single”, “Single” – when suddenly, one girl blurted out the unmentionable. “Since we’re all single… How long has it been since the last time you had sex?”

At first I was shocked by the outspokenness. And the round of answers was rather miserable, to be honest – “Three months”, “Two and a half months”, “Four fucking months". Luckily, there was one cheerful “Two days, yay!” giving the rest of us a glimpse of hope. Also, it was oddly comforting to realize that the rest of us were all in the same sad boat.

Not getting any really sucks, but I don't think we should get miserable or desperate about it, or to lower our standards and sleep with whomever. Hell no! You might as well be fabulous, for sure that won’t hurt your chances.

Stay strong, girls. 

Post by Jo  

P.S. On Friday, I finally broke my dry season. Finally, finally, I had sex. Fuck yeah.

4 Reasons to Meet His Parents as Early as Possible

Meeting the folks has traditionally been a big step in a relationship. Not everyone gets the access to the family and so introducing a new partner to the family delivers a message that this is serious between you and me and I want you to be a part of my life. 

Meeting the parents has also the tradition of being stiff, stressful, and awkward.

However, it's actually not that big of a deal. Meeting his parents is an opportunity and not a threat, since you actually learn a lot about the person from the time spent with his family.

So to encourage everyone to grab the opportunity to meet the parents even during the earliest stages of dating, I gathered the top four points that make Parental Advisory worth a million dollars.

1. You'll probably have fun.
   
   Most parents, at least referring to my own experience, are actually nice and they have a tendency also to like a girl that's a special one of their beloved baby boy. Meeting the parents provides you not only the opportunity to getting to know new people, but also the opportunity of having a good time. While meeting the parents, you are very likely to be served cake, champagne, theater tickets, boat rides and such. So just enjoy it!
    
2. You learn about his values.
   
   The core values that are carried in our minds and hearts through our whole lives are learned from the family. While hanging out with the family, you will easily spot values and attitudes that won't come out in the casual everyday dating life you're having with him. This is the risky zone - however, it's worth discovering during the early stage, so you won't have surprises such as hidden hatred towards homosexuals or lack of ambition in life.
    
3. You face the true level of his independence.
   
   Every man shows their true face with their mother. However, if you are dating a grown-up man, he shouldn't be arriving to his mom's place shouting "MOM I'M HOME" at the corridor or bringin his laundry for his mother to wash. Even though close and loving relationship with his mother is naturally a sweet thing, things will probably get harsh between you and him at some point, if his mother still has access rights to his bank account.
    
4. You start caring more.
   
   While spending time with his family, you will get deeper in knowing him, as the family describes a person probably better than anything else. With his family, it will start occurring to you whether you want to be a part of this family in the future or not. Meeting the family often opens one's eyes to see the person as truly unique.
    

If it's a match, it might actually lead to the case of this is serious between me and you.

Post by Sally

What to do on a first date

A friend of mine approached me recently with an enormous worry at his heart. “I need your help”, he said with a mix of anxiousness and embarrassment on his face. “I want to ask a Girl out.”

Poor guy, I thought. The dating culture here isn’t the easiest – we sometimes go on dates, but we don’t really do dating in the on-going, lighthearted sense of the word. In my experience, we somehow lack in the whole concept of casual dating.

Asking somebody out is just so serious. You don’t ask somebody out unless you really are interested in him or her. Going on a date is A Big Deal. And because the whole concept of going on a date is such a big deal, what you do on a date is a big fuss, mess and stress.

My poor friend was getting desperate. “Do you know what She likes to do? On dates, you know? Where should I take Her on our first date?”

Something ordinary with a twist

In my opinion, what you do on a first date doesn’t actually really matter. On the contrary – the simpler, the better. Weird activities, or any utterly romantic ruffle are simply unnecessary, and often just awkward. Bowling, hiking, five-course dinners, or chardonnay tastings? No, no, no and no. And don’t get me wrong, these are all good activities – just not for The First Date.

Go for something that you are comfortable with. Take her for a drink in your favorite cocktail bar, go for a brunch in that cool new place, or take a walk by the sea and buy her an ice cream (it’s a great personality test, by the way) – or do whatever it is that’s your thing.

As long as it’s casual, simple and easy, so that you can focus on the important things – which is, getting to know each other. To see if it’s a click, a match, or a crash-boom-bang.

Because if it is a match, then it really doesn’t matter what you do. And if it’s not, well, then there’s an easy way out.

Even the most perfectly organized date will not make up for a poor match of personalities, so you might as well save yourself from the planning and stress. All that matters is you. Comforting or not, my advice is simple: keep calm and be cool.

Post by Jo

Digital Love

In the era of Facebook, it's not only you and me. It's you, me and the social network. 

When it comes to relationships, the digital age has definitely added a layer of complication to our love lives. As if defining the relationship just between the two of you wasn't difficult enough, at some point you also will need to consider adding a definitive relationship status on social media.

“Add your relationships”, the Facebook Timeline delicately suggests. In a Relationship, Engaged or perhaps even Married? What about stating openly that you are Single? Too bad more detailed attributes – Single And Happy/Excited/Desperate/Dying – are not available. (Just kidding.) Oh, and there's always the option for brutal honesty – just say It’s complicated. (Don't tell me somebody really uses this.)

On a more serious note, on average it would seem that of my Facebook friends, people known to be single are more likely to not show their relationship status on their profile at all, whereas people know to be in a relationship are more likely to have it published. Of course, that saves the single people from having to reconsider their public status after every date they go to, but on the other hand, I couldn’t help thinking if In a Relationship is the generally looked-for status.

Whatever the truth, what often follows the DTR on social media are photos to prove that you’re happy, and public messages of affection. Be it candle-light dinners, matching T-shirts, mutual hobbies or initials drawn on sand, the message is quite the same: our life is happy. Ideal. Enviable.

On all social media, we do try to give as nice, neat and polished image as possible, but especially with relationships, some cases just get out of hand. It's as if some people were more interested in how others perceive their love, rather than in how much they actually love and are loved in return.

Both as a protest and an attempt to save myself from focusing on irrelevancies, for now I’ve established a philosophy of not posting any relationship status out there. Ever. Again. Easy for me to say now as I'm single, I know. Punch me the day I break my word.

Post by Jo

To be happy is to be free

As me and Jo are writing a blog about single life, it must be pretty obvious that neither of us are the kind of persons who would run from one long-term relationship to another. We both have a lifestyle of being single. We are not really dependent on relationships. Though I love being in love, and of course I look forward to finding that one person who will create the great harmony with my soul and be at the same time the most amazing and the most natural thing, I don’t really feel like I need it to complete me.

I’ve finally discovered the reason why I like being single more than I like being with someone.  As simple as it is, I can control my own happiness while I’m single. I can be happy generally, intensively and joyfully every single day. Since it’s up to me to decide.

Being with someone boosts happiness yet brings the pain. It brings out the stress: stressing about his feelings, your feelings, your future together, and your past together – about everything of you two. Though it’s occasional it’s tormenting.

Last time I had a serious long-term relationship, I ended it because I was not happy enough. I broke up with him not because I didn’t love him, but because I felt I’d be happier on my own.  And though we loved each other more than we had ever loved anyone else, I know it was a right thing to do.

The disease in pursuing the ultimate happiness is that you will always think is this enough? At times I wonder if I can be too pleased with my life on my own, so that I intentionally close out the possibilities of love since I subconsciously feel that I don’t want them to come and ruin my happiness.

Being too content for being by myself provides a risk of missing out something greater. But I hope that pursuing the ultimate condition of happiness will lead me to something that will make my world go upside down. Reaching for the stars will eventually land a Heaven on earth. 

Post by Sally

Shaved legs and other absurd summer turn-offs

While summer days are long and warm, they leave no room for covering your imperfections - you just have to put yourself out there.

However, I have been hit by some awful details that summer has revealed about men I have met. Though everyone, even me and Jo, have their imperfections, we thought it might be useful for you men to check out this list about five features that should definitely be avoided in the summer. I'm pretty sure I'm speaking with the voice of all the woman on the Earth.

1. Shaved legs
   
   Few days ago I noticed that a (straight) male friend of mine had shaved his legs. I mean seariously, what is going on? You don't have to be a lady to get laid. We can handle hairy legs. They are okay. Men's legs are not supposed to make us feel like little hobbits in case we've had a busy morning.
    
2. Pastel colors
   
   Even though they are hot every summer, they are best worn by babies and teenaged girls.
    
3. Nudity
   
   Even though summer is the only season in Northern Countries that enables being naked outside, please don't. No matter what the circumstances - whether it's a beach party, a festival, a summer cottage trip or whatever else - too much nudity is always awkward.
    
4. Speedos
   
   Unless you're an Olympics swimmer, see point 3. Five inches of fabric is not enough. And I don't need to be able to see the profile of your penis from 10 meters away from you. Trust me, if I want to know what you have down there, I will find my way. Oh, and pairing them with a T-shirt is only making it worse. A lot worse.
    
5. Sunburned skin
   
   Red skin is not only ugly, it also shouts HEY I'M REALLY DUMB AND I DON'T MIND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF. So c'mon. No way dude.
    

So please, guys. Keep these in mind and you might avoid awkward moments and pitiful looks into your direction.

Post by Sally

Open Endings

A problem with undefined relationships is telling when they are over. If you never agreed that you’re together, you can’t really break up either.

I’ve started to recognize that my exquisite yet undefined friends-with-benefits thingy just might be over. Before, it used to be him who contacted me – maybe 1 out of 10 times I would call him. However, the last time we saw each other was over a month ago, and since that I haven’t heard anything from him. A few weeks ago I even got to the point of texting him myself, but to my surprise received no reply.

It’s as if he had simply vanished. And I have absolutely no idea why.

The last time we met, he had needed to see me. He left from a party and came to pick me up to his place. “Because they’re not like you”, he said when I asked why. And all of a sudden, poof! Complete silence, on all medias of communication.

I guess open endings will always take some time to digest. However, I’m positive that quitting longing for that someone will open my eyes for other, fresh and exciting possibilities.

Besides, in a city size of Helsinki, we probably cannot avoid seeing each other forever. I don’t mind, though. The times we were together were simply magnificent, and I have no reason to have any hard feelings. So – maybe we’ll smile, maybe we’ll say hi, maybe we’ll even stop and ask how the other one is doing – or maybe nothing of the above.

Time will tell. But for the moment, I will stop wondering what carried us apart. It’s funny how calm I am about this, but I’ve come to realize that I actually don’t long for his presence anymore.

"Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere."

Paulo Coelho

Indeed. And who would not want to go on?

Post by Jo