Top three perks that make single life awesome

The other day I met an old friend of mine for a long time. As usual, after a while of chit-chatting, we got into exchanging the latest news about our love lives – or, actually, there were no news really; she’d been in a relationship with the same guy for the last four years, and me more or less single about the same time.

Anyway, she was rambling on about her boyfriend and how stressed she was about their parents having dinner together, without them. O-M-G I thought to myself, but she kept going on up to the point of preaching how much more relaxed, easy and fun life is when you are single.
 
Pause. If you really hated that much being in a relationship, why wouldn’t you break up?

Exactly. Being in a relationship can be quite awesome.

I kind of shut my ears to the whining – smile, nod, smile, and so on. However, later that day I got back to thinking about the privileges of single life. My friend did have a point. Being single can indeed be very much relaxed, easy and fun, especially for the following three perks.

1. Not giving a fuck
   
   Being single means you don't need to give any fucks about anyone other than yourself. How liberating is that? You don’t have to put up with anybody else’s shit. Be it tiny annoyance or some serious, overwhelming kind of shit that nobody should be put through, it’s shit anyway. Shit. Shit. Shit. And you don’t have to deal with it.
    
2. Freedom
   
   You can do whatever you want to, whenever you want to. A Saturday night out with the girls? Flirting with the cute bartender? Having the whole bed all for yourself? Wearing comfy granny undies? Watching an embarrassing chick flick? Don't mind if I do. Spend all your money on yourself? Go backpacking in India for three months? Move abroad? Go ahead girl.
    
3. That feeling
   
   That feeling when you meet somebody new, interesting and exciting. That feeling when you reply to his text messages. That feeling before the first date. That feeling after the first date. The first time you kiss. The first time you have sex. That feeling.

Of course, there are days when being single feels plain crap, but knowing that there will be a time and a place for a relationship in my life, I won't let it put me down. Single life can be pretty amazing, so you might as well enjoy it to the full. Just ask yourself Am I awesome, and check the answer in the mirror – or here.

Post by Jo

What's your number? And why you shouldn't ask or tell about it

A few days ago I was reading the August issue of the Cosmopolitan Finland magazine. Although I’m usually not taking cosmo-girl talk very seriously, in this issue there was something that I found so ridiculous that it almost made me write their Facebook page to hire editors that have something else than hairspray and Aperol Spritz bubbles in their heads.

The Cosmo advice I was taken aback by was that in case your current bf asks you how many guys you’ve slept with, the rule of thumb is to divide the actual number by four. So to lie that you’ve slept with a fourth of the people you have if telling the truth.

First of all – have you ever been asked? I certainly haven’t. And it has never been in my interest to know with how many people have my dates or boyfriends slept before me. What kind of person asks this from their partner anyway? I can’t picture a single positive outcome that somebody would gain by knowing the amount of people that their special one has shared sexual experiences with.

Second – why would you lie? It’s probably since I’m such a poor liar that nobody would believe my attempt of lying anyway, but I think that the rule of thumb that works best in a relationship is don’t tell lies.

Third – the number doesn’t tell anything from the person carrying it. It’s the past. Even though the number was 120, the person carrying it might have had some serious good time while being 16 years old and afterwards slept with only a few. As well, if the number is 1 or 2, the person might still be a crazy sex addict but happy enough to have found the one person who’ve handled it. So what’s the outcome of knowing the number? Misleading.

And finally – if you still decide to share your number with anyone, be true to yourself and your past sex buddies. If you follow your gut and make choices by your own free will, there should be nothing to be ashamed of. And isn't keeping a number so 1990's anyway?

Post by Sally

Get Lucky

Not getting laid sucks. It simply sucks. Getting laid regularly is honestly one of the things I miss the most about relationships.

Like any girl in her twenties with a healthy sex drive, I need sex. I need to have sex every now and then. And I’m not talking about any incontrollable sex addiction here, but just basic human needs.

Since I’m not really into random one-night-stands, the situation unfortunately sometimes evolves into a Big Issue. A week without is fine, but in two I start to feel it. In a month it will start to get on my nerves. In three months, which I would’ve reached in a few days… Well, let’s just say that it's impossible to ignore anymore.

Making things worse, it’s as if the whole topic was a taboo. Although in our group of friends we’re not usually too shy when it comes to talking about our sex lives, this is the one topic we never discuss.

And I quite don’t get it – why? Out of sight (or talks), doesn’t here mean that the issue would be out of mind.

On the contrary, I've realized that being all open about it might actually help. The other day, a few girl colleagues and I were sitting over some after work drinks, and the genie was let out of the bottle. We were going through a check on our relationship statuses – “Single”, “Single”, “Single” – when suddenly, one girl blurted out the unmentionable. “Since we’re all single… How long has it been since the last time you had sex?”

At first I was shocked by the outspokenness. And the round of answers was rather miserable, to be honest – “Three months”, “Two and a half months”, “Four fucking months". Luckily, there was one cheerful “Two days, yay!” giving the rest of us a glimpse of hope. Also, it was oddly comforting to realize that the rest of us were all in the same sad boat.

Not getting any really sucks, but I don't think we should get miserable or desperate about it, or to lower our standards and sleep with whomever. Hell no! You might as well be fabulous, for sure that won’t hurt your chances.

Stay strong, girls. 

Post by Jo  

P.S. On Friday, I finally broke my dry season. Finally, finally, I had sex. Fuck yeah.

4 Reasons to Meet His Parents as Early as Possible

Meeting the folks has traditionally been a big step in a relationship. Not everyone gets the access to the family and so introducing a new partner to the family delivers a message that this is serious between you and me and I want you to be a part of my life. 

Meeting the parents has also the tradition of being stiff, stressful, and awkward.

However, it's actually not that big of a deal. Meeting his parents is an opportunity and not a threat, since you actually learn a lot about the person from the time spent with his family.

So to encourage everyone to grab the opportunity to meet the parents even during the earliest stages of dating, I gathered the top four points that make Parental Advisory worth a million dollars.

1. You'll probably have fun.
   
   Most parents, at least referring to my own experience, are actually nice and they have a tendency also to like a girl that's a special one of their beloved baby boy. Meeting the parents provides you not only the opportunity to getting to know new people, but also the opportunity of having a good time. While meeting the parents, you are very likely to be served cake, champagne, theater tickets, boat rides and such. So just enjoy it!
    
2. You learn about his values.
   
   The core values that are carried in our minds and hearts through our whole lives are learned from the family. While hanging out with the family, you will easily spot values and attitudes that won't come out in the casual everyday dating life you're having with him. This is the risky zone - however, it's worth discovering during the early stage, so you won't have surprises such as hidden hatred towards homosexuals or lack of ambition in life.
    
3. You face the true level of his independence.
   
   Every man shows their true face with their mother. However, if you are dating a grown-up man, he shouldn't be arriving to his mom's place shouting "MOM I'M HOME" at the corridor or bringin his laundry for his mother to wash. Even though close and loving relationship with his mother is naturally a sweet thing, things will probably get harsh between you and him at some point, if his mother still has access rights to his bank account.
    
4. You start caring more.
   
   While spending time with his family, you will get deeper in knowing him, as the family describes a person probably better than anything else. With his family, it will start occurring to you whether you want to be a part of this family in the future or not. Meeting the family often opens one's eyes to see the person as truly unique.
    

If it's a match, it might actually lead to the case of this is serious between me and you.

Post by Sally

What to do on a first date

A friend of mine approached me recently with an enormous worry at his heart. “I need your help”, he said with a mix of anxiousness and embarrassment on his face. “I want to ask a Girl out.”

Poor guy, I thought. The dating culture here isn’t the easiest – we sometimes go on dates, but we don’t really do dating in the on-going, lighthearted sense of the word. In my experience, we somehow lack in the whole concept of casual dating.

Asking somebody out is just so serious. You don’t ask somebody out unless you really are interested in him or her. Going on a date is A Big Deal. And because the whole concept of going on a date is such a big deal, what you do on a date is a big fuss, mess and stress.

My poor friend was getting desperate. “Do you know what She likes to do? On dates, you know? Where should I take Her on our first date?”

Something ordinary with a twist

In my opinion, what you do on a first date doesn’t actually really matter. On the contrary – the simpler, the better. Weird activities, or any utterly romantic ruffle are simply unnecessary, and often just awkward. Bowling, hiking, five-course dinners, or chardonnay tastings? No, no, no and no. And don’t get me wrong, these are all good activities – just not for The First Date.

Go for something that you are comfortable with. Take her for a drink in your favorite cocktail bar, go for a brunch in that cool new place, or take a walk by the sea and buy her an ice cream (it’s a great personality test, by the way) – or do whatever it is that’s your thing.

As long as it’s casual, simple and easy, so that you can focus on the important things – which is, getting to know each other. To see if it’s a click, a match, or a crash-boom-bang.

Because if it is a match, then it really doesn’t matter what you do. And if it’s not, well, then there’s an easy way out.

Even the most perfectly organized date will not make up for a poor match of personalities, so you might as well save yourself from the planning and stress. All that matters is you. Comforting or not, my advice is simple: keep calm and be cool.

Post by Jo

Digital Love

In the era of Facebook, it's not only you and me. It's you, me and the social network. 

When it comes to relationships, the digital age has definitely added a layer of complication to our love lives. As if defining the relationship just between the two of you wasn't difficult enough, at some point you also will need to consider adding a definitive relationship status on social media.

“Add your relationships”, the Facebook Timeline delicately suggests. In a Relationship, Engaged or perhaps even Married? What about stating openly that you are Single? Too bad more detailed attributes – Single And Happy/Excited/Desperate/Dying – are not available. (Just kidding.) Oh, and there's always the option for brutal honesty – just say It’s complicated. (Don't tell me somebody really uses this.)

On a more serious note, on average it would seem that of my Facebook friends, people known to be single are more likely to not show their relationship status on their profile at all, whereas people know to be in a relationship are more likely to have it published. Of course, that saves the single people from having to reconsider their public status after every date they go to, but on the other hand, I couldn’t help thinking if In a Relationship is the generally looked-for status.

Whatever the truth, what often follows the DTR on social media are photos to prove that you’re happy, and public messages of affection. Be it candle-light dinners, matching T-shirts, mutual hobbies or initials drawn on sand, the message is quite the same: our life is happy. Ideal. Enviable.

On all social media, we do try to give as nice, neat and polished image as possible, but especially with relationships, some cases just get out of hand. It's as if some people were more interested in how others perceive their love, rather than in how much they actually love and are loved in return.

Both as a protest and an attempt to save myself from focusing on irrelevancies, for now I’ve established a philosophy of not posting any relationship status out there. Ever. Again. Easy for me to say now as I'm single, I know. Punch me the day I break my word.

Post by Jo

To be happy is to be free

As me and Jo are writing a blog about single life, it must be pretty obvious that neither of us are the kind of persons who would run from one long-term relationship to another. We both have a lifestyle of being single. We are not really dependent on relationships. Though I love being in love, and of course I look forward to finding that one person who will create the great harmony with my soul and be at the same time the most amazing and the most natural thing, I don’t really feel like I need it to complete me.

I’ve finally discovered the reason why I like being single more than I like being with someone.  As simple as it is, I can control my own happiness while I’m single. I can be happy generally, intensively and joyfully every single day. Since it’s up to me to decide.

Being with someone boosts happiness yet brings the pain. It brings out the stress: stressing about his feelings, your feelings, your future together, and your past together – about everything of you two. Though it’s occasional it’s tormenting.

Last time I had a serious long-term relationship, I ended it because I was not happy enough. I broke up with him not because I didn’t love him, but because I felt I’d be happier on my own.  And though we loved each other more than we had ever loved anyone else, I know it was a right thing to do.

The disease in pursuing the ultimate happiness is that you will always think is this enough? At times I wonder if I can be too pleased with my life on my own, so that I intentionally close out the possibilities of love since I subconsciously feel that I don’t want them to come and ruin my happiness.

Being too content for being by myself provides a risk of missing out something greater. But I hope that pursuing the ultimate condition of happiness will lead me to something that will make my world go upside down. Reaching for the stars will eventually land a Heaven on earth. 

Post by Sally

Shaved legs and other absurd summer turn-offs

While summer days are long and warm, they leave no room for covering your imperfections - you just have to put yourself out there.

However, I have been hit by some awful details that summer has revealed about men I have met. Though everyone, even me and Jo, have their imperfections, we thought it might be useful for you men to check out this list about five features that should definitely be avoided in the summer. I'm pretty sure I'm speaking with the voice of all the woman on the Earth.

1. Shaved legs
   
   Few days ago I noticed that a (straight) male friend of mine had shaved his legs. I mean seariously, what is going on? You don't have to be a lady to get laid. We can handle hairy legs. They are okay. Men's legs are not supposed to make us feel like little hobbits in case we've had a busy morning.
    
2. Pastel colors
   
   Even though they are hot every summer, they are best worn by babies and teenaged girls.
    
3. Nudity
   
   Even though summer is the only season in Northern Countries that enables being naked outside, please don't. No matter what the circumstances - whether it's a beach party, a festival, a summer cottage trip or whatever else - too much nudity is always awkward.
    
4. Speedos
   
   Unless you're an Olympics swimmer, see point 3. Five inches of fabric is not enough. And I don't need to be able to see the profile of your penis from 10 meters away from you. Trust me, if I want to know what you have down there, I will find my way. Oh, and pairing them with a T-shirt is only making it worse. A lot worse.
    
5. Sunburned skin
   
   Red skin is not only ugly, it also shouts HEY I'M REALLY DUMB AND I DON'T MIND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF. So c'mon. No way dude.
    

So please, guys. Keep these in mind and you might avoid awkward moments and pitiful looks into your direction.

Post by Sally

Open Endings

A problem with undefined relationships is telling when they are over. If you never agreed that you’re together, you can’t really break up either.

I’ve started to recognize that my exquisite yet undefined friends-with-benefits thingy just might be over. Before, it used to be him who contacted me – maybe 1 out of 10 times I would call him. However, the last time we saw each other was over a month ago, and since that I haven’t heard anything from him. A few weeks ago I even got to the point of texting him myself, but to my surprise received no reply.

It’s as if he had simply vanished. And I have absolutely no idea why.

The last time we met, he had needed to see me. He left from a party and came to pick me up to his place. “Because they’re not like you”, he said when I asked why. And all of a sudden, poof! Complete silence, on all medias of communication.

I guess open endings will always take some time to digest. However, I’m positive that quitting longing for that someone will open my eyes for other, fresh and exciting possibilities.

Besides, in a city size of Helsinki, we probably cannot avoid seeing each other forever. I don’t mind, though. The times we were together were simply magnificent, and I have no reason to have any hard feelings. So – maybe we’ll smile, maybe we’ll say hi, maybe we’ll even stop and ask how the other one is doing – or maybe nothing of the above.

Time will tell. But for the moment, I will stop wondering what carried us apart. It’s funny how calm I am about this, but I’ve come to realize that I actually don’t long for his presence anymore.

"Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere."

Paulo Coelho

Indeed. And who would not want to go on?

Post by Jo

Lorem ipsum and other useful dating tips

Getting dating tips from married/in-a-relationship friends is one of the things I hate most. Whether their aim is to encourage (“Don’t give up! Mr. Right could be just around the corner!”) or to push (“Better get yourself into the game before all the good ones are gone!”), it’s all as ridiculous and uncomfortable.

Yesterday, I met a few friends on an evening walk by the seaside. One of them (single) was in agony, since her summer job would end already in July, and she didn’t yet know what she would do for the rest of the summer – not to even mention about the finances. Fortunately, the other one (dating) immediately found the right words to comfort her:

“Oh well, you just need to find a man to keep yourself busy!”

I was so shocked I just hysterically laughed at her, but on the inside, I really wanted to ask whether she hit her head two months ago when she met her current boyfriend.

I assume she only meant it to be funny, but as they say, there’s a truth behind every joke. Nevertheless, I sincerely hoped this shitty-relationship-advice-Tourette’s was just a momentary rush of blood to the head, and not a permanent condition.

Advice like this is just empty words to me; it makes me wanna put my hands over my ears and shout LA LA LA as loud as I can.

Dear married/in-a-relationship friends, advice like this is not uplifting or inspiring, nor is it practical or sensible, but it’s. just. awkward.

We might not be single by choice, but moments like these I for sure wish my married friends would consider it to be that way. With all due respect, I wouldn't mind if you just kept these jewels of wisdom to yourselves.

Post by Jo

Why so serious?

I'm dating a guy that is everything but ordinary. He is cool as hell and also the most entertaining person I have ever met. Our thing is by far the most easy-going and funniest relationship-like thing that I have been in. We are having a ridiculously good time.

Our connection is something really unique, and so is our time together. We don't do normal stuff or act as couples do. We don't kiss as we meet but we give a high five. We don't eat romantic dinners in candle light, but we do acrobatic tricks and end up lounging on the floor bruised. We don't argue but we throw water on each other while we're pissed and just laugh the thing off. We don't discuss our emotions but we do freestyle rap verses about each other.

Having a thing like this is at the same time the most awesome thing in the world and the most tormenting. Because we're never serious. 

He doesn't tell me he likes me, but he tells me I'm "the boss" or calls me the Mother of Dragons from Game of Thrones because of my gentle heart and my ability to rule the world. He doesn't tell me he misses me but he sends me links to a Google search made by the term "You're the best" in the middle of the night. He doesn't tell me he wants to be with me but he tells me he will painfully murder every man that is trying to approach me. 

We discuss our future and past - our teenage rages, our obsessions, our wedding speeches, and our upcoming twin baby boys - but never about the present. 

And it has started to tear me apart. I need words. I need to be assured that behind the humorous behavior there's actually a man that cares about me. What if this is nothing but a big joke?

Post by Sally

Friends and lovers

How to manage when a friend is dating an idiot

Whether we like it or not, we all are making evaluations and ratings about all the people we meet based on their looks, manners and intelligence essence. We all can pretty easily measure, whether we think someone is attractive, smart, funny or delightful. It's rather easy to know whether we want to hang out with somebody or not. Also, we've all been in the situation where the date or a significant other of our friend doesn't really live up to our expectations. 

But do we have the ability or permission to tell a friend whether to toss or take?

A few days ago I met a guy that has been hanging with a really good friend of mine. And it was an instant no-go. I could tell after a minute of being in the same pre-party that this guy has nothing to offer to this BFF of mine. He was not interesting nor funny, not any inspirational mind or intellectual challenge for my smart and thoughtful friend. 

I told my friend about my initial reaction, and to my stunner, she had started to feel the same. This made me think about all the other times, when a new partner of a close friend of mine hasn't really convinced me of being the true match. Basically every time I have been suspicious about someone, the men or women have turned out to be weirdos, dullards, or simply not the right persons. 

So, probably our close friends see us clearer than we see ourselves. They see through us. They see the minor body messages of hesitation that construe in their subconscious mind a message that the guy is not the right for us. They are not as blurred by crush or the haze of emotions. 

Probably trusting a friend's gut might be more valid than trusting our own gut. After all, they are the safety net we'll be landing on whatever happens.

Post by Sally 

Truly, madly, deeply

A while ago, on a rainy summer night with blogs, Lykke Li and detox tea, I came across an interesting piece about our common perceptions of love and inspiration, in essence questioning the way we tend to regard love as something external to us, and inspiration as something that arises from within an artist.

Regardless of who we are or what we do, we tend to believe that love may suddenly come to us. It may swipe our feet from under us, it may throw us around and give us the ride of a lifetime – and, eventually, it may go away from us, abandon us, leave us alone. Inspiration, on the other hand, is seen to grow in the inside of an artist. If an artist manages to nurture and foster that inspiration, success will follow – and if he fails to find that inspiration, the artist himself has failed as a person.

What the article suggested was whether we should turn this whole scheme upside down – to start regarding love as an internally born emotion and inspiration as an external force. Basically, to give more mercy for the artist who’s still looking for the lost inspiration; he isn’t doomed for failure, but inspiration has just left him for a while, only to find him again later. And, what caught my attention the most, to bring more love to the world by stopping waiting for it to miraculously appear and instead, by starting to cultivate love yourself. Ultimately, people not only tend to care for the things they love, but also to learn to love the things they look after.

I really got stuck on this idea. Even after a few days of pondering, I still couldn’t take it in, or not even let go. I simply can't picture it, resigning myself for someone, growing love and affection bit by bit.

Some might say I’m ridiculously naïve, but I don't care – I sincerely want to have that zsa zsa zu. That passion, longing, and aching desire. That butterflies-in-your-stomach thing that happens when you not only love the person, but you gotta have them.

I don’t want a lukewarm love. I want it to burn my
lips and engulf my soul.

Woori (via That Kind of Woman)

Post by Jo

Is Less actually More?

Last weekend I met a friend of mine, and as all decent-behaving fine ladies do when they meet after a while, we analyzed the current situation of our sex lives, as well as other relationship related issues. Well, my friend told me the most ridiculous thing I had heard by far, or at least that’s what I was thinking when I heard the thing – she told me she only has sex with her boyfriend maximum once a week, since she wants to invest in quality instead of quantity.

I told her she could stop making poor excuses, and admit that three years in a relationship, a dog and a shared laundry bag have affected the intensiveness of her bedroom activity.

However, the more I thought about it, the more sense it started to make. One of the basic assumptions of human behavior in economics is the law of diminishing marginal utility – the more you have a certain good, the less extra utility a unit of the good gives you.  The first glass of wine gives you much more pleasure than the tenth one (though alcohol might be exception since the sufficient supply of it is free and unlimited).

This applies to human contact as well. The more you meet someone, the less special it gets. If you meet a guy rarely, the moments are loaded with expectations, belongingness and happiness. More often you meet, more everydayish it gets. Like if you start having lunch every day in a Michelin starred restaurant instead of your office cafeteria, you’ll get used to the quality of the food, and stop respecting its amazingness of every meal. In the end you start treating the Michelin star restaurant in your mind the same way as you treat the poor office cafeteria.

This applies especially in a situation when dating someone new is starting to get more frequent. After some while of dating the excitement slowly starts to disappear as the relationship starts to stabilize. It becomes everyday. And this is where we are heading with my guy right now. 

Though emotions are the only concept in the world that cannot be explained by science, the laws of social sciences might still have their points to apply in the market of love. I'm not ready to stabilize with my nascent relationship just yet. So taking some distance might actually improve our utility surpluses. I don’t want us to treat each other like office cafeterias. 

Post by Sally

Hate the player, not the game

It’s always very exciting to get interested in someone new. I love the game – the looks, the smiles, the flirty talks, the carefully crafted text messages, and all the other little things – to try to figure out whether that other person is interested in you, and whether you yourself are really interested in him.

To me, there has to be a little chase. It’s a thrill to try make an impression and to give out the best possible image of you, and to see how the other one responds. What’s crucial, however, is to find an equal match. I lose my interest in a second if everything is too easy, if I don’t have to make a bit extra effort.

Until now, I’ve never lost my interest because the game would’ve been too complicated. Yeah, until now.

Lately, I’ve been playing around with this one guy, who pretty much corresponds the typical example of whom mums warn their daughters. He’s ridiculously good looking, well behaved, and overall comes across as a really nice guy. We work at the same place (oops), so we see each other quite often. The way he seeks his way to me, the way he talks to me, he really makes me feel like I’d be the only girl in the world – there’s a fire in his eyes, and be damned that smile that’s so hard to resist.

The problem is that he seems to be fascinated by roughly anything as long as it’s wearing a skirt and a little lipstick.

After a few weekends of drunk dialing scored somewhere between interested and very interested on Sally's scale, last Friday we finally happened to meet in a club. I had been guessing that he might be the player type, but boy hadn’t I realized he was such a high roller.

I saw him at the entrance with one girl under his arm. Half an hour later he seemed to be buying a drink to the second, and a while later he didn’t seem to mind the third one trying to French kiss him. It seemed as if he’d done that all on purpose right in front of me, glancing at my way to see how I’d react. Oh, and did I mention he’s still officially in a relationship? (Although be it on the final stretch.)

Honestly, I don’t think I’m up for that. Apparently, I have a limit on how much I’m willing to gamble, and this one just doesn’t seem worth the risk.

Post by Jo

Equality Sucks

One thing that makes dating really fun is being a woman. It means not having to pay for anything.

I know there are two separate schools of thought about this among woman in the western countries. There are women that regard it disgracefully old-fashioned to have a date to pay their dinners and vodka tonics. And then, there are selfish and hedonistic women that don't bother making all the feminists of the world pleased with their actions, since they rather just enjoy the role of a princess that's being honored and served well.

As you might have guessed, I'm definitely the latter type. I do manage my own financials pretty well, but still, especially after having lived in the Southern Europe, where it's seen as loosing face for a guy if a lady pays something herself, I respect a man that pays on a date. 

A few days ago I went on a date. (Yep, I'm still seeing The Guy I was panicing about the last time.) But what made this special, was that I really wanted to pay for my own stuff. I would have felt uncomfortable letting him pay. 

I have tried to analyze why. I'm pretty sure I really like him, but it has never been a problem letting a guy that I really like to pay my stuff. How could I ever get a wedding ring with five digit price tag, if I was uncomfortable letting a man spend his money on me? Ridiculous.

But this time I was. Probably since I feel so equal with him. That there is no power or status differences between us two. We play on the same league. We have a similar Aura. 

We are as cool, as funny, as good looking, as emotional, very alike. 

It's doomed to fail, isn't it?

Post by Sally

#notimpressed

Last Saturday, I experienced one of the weakest pick-up attempts in a while. My friends and I were at a club opening, standing at the bar, chatting and sipping some sparkly. Suddenly, behind my shoulder I heard a nervous cough.

“Hey… Sorry… We study at the same university, don’t we?”

Struggling to recognize the guy, I was mumbling something resembling a yes, while he already blurted out The Big Question.

“So… Wanna dance?”

Wait… What? That's all? We study at the same university; therefore I should be up for some dryhumping with you, on an empty dance floor size the half of a football field? I don’t think so.

And seriously dude, don’t you have any manners at all – you didn’t even introduce yourself?

Amused, I politely declined the honor, telling him I should already be on my way home. Unfortunately, the poor guy started pleading, and next 10 minutes or so went on like an awkward broken record – “Please”, “No”, “Pretty please”, “No”, “Pleeeeease”, “No way” – and so on, until the guy finally gave up and left.

Making the first impression matters.

When approaching a stranger, aim to make an impression – any impression. Frankly, to me even a bad impression is better than no impression at all. And whatever you decide to do, just don’t apologize yourself. You won’t make an impression by being sorry for who you are.

You don’t have to do anything huge – just be cool and stay smart. Act according to the setting. If, for instance, you can count the people on the dance floor with your fingers, it’s probably better to offer the lady a mojito, not to beg for a booty shake.

Be confident, and be genuine. And please do introduce yourself.

Post by Jo

Single world problems

When I'm at dinner with my friends and they run through
the list of who is engaged or married from high school

and I'm like...

Source: #myfriendsaremarried

This spring, the single population in our little group of friends has become smaller than ever. The majority of my closest friends are actually in a relationship at the moment.

Whoa. How did this happen?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I couldn’t be any happier for my friends. It’s heart-melting to see the blissful, almost dumb-like smile on their faces when we’re talking about their new sweethearts, huns, and boos.

It’s just… Sometimes a single girl needs another single girl. To talk shit about the lamest ever I-made-a-birthday-cake-to-my-hubby Facebook status update, to drink two bottles of champagne before noon, or to cry her heart out over the guy who went and fucked the dumbass blondie instead of her.

Some days, a single girl needs not to see any couples around her. Today, I got all anxious when I came to think about our plans for the Midsummer holidays: going to a summer cabin for four days with my closest friends, the bunch consisting nowadays of eight couples, and six singles.

If the couples decided to challenge the singles to any team sports, we’d be 16 against 6. Yay.

“But so what? It’s not a big deal, and we’re still the same.”

Yes, and no. Being in a relationship changes you, in my opinion. Not necessarily for worse, but for different.

“But so what? You’ll probably end up being just like us, some day you’ll be in a relationship as well.”

Yes, most probably. That day, I might take a look back at this post and not understand anymore at all what I’ve been writing about. But that day isn’t today, and until that day, I sometimes will need to get to be my selfish and bitchy single self.

Apologies to my more or less married friends. You’re all cool, but sometimes just so very different.

Post by Jo

Us vs. Me

Ok. Prepare to get emotional with me. 

The situation between me and The Guy I have been talking about has moved into the state where both of us wonder what's the deal and where are we heading. We have been hanging out for over a month now and it has been enjoyable, fun, and sweet in all the imaginable measures. I like him and he likes me. 

But this is the point where the problems usually start. The point where I start freaking out. 

All this happened just too fast. It was just few weeks ago, when he surprised me on my late night run and in this beautiful night of rainy Helsinki I realized that this might be something more than just friends thing. And now we meet every day. We know the schedules of each others' days. We wash our teeth together before going to bed. We don't do dates or stress about how we look or act with each other. We hang out like a married couple. Last night he actually called me darling before going to sleep.

This is all just what the fuck. As selfish, bitchy, and you're-gonna-be-forever-alone it may sound, I don't like the idea of us instead of just me. I don't like sharing my life. I like to be able to isolate for a weekend and not to talk with anyone if I feel like staying in bed watching How I Met Your Mother and eating peanut butter. I like changing my mind every day and being in a bad mood for no reason without being a harm to no one. I like being spontaneous and kissing whomever I like. I'm really good at falling for people, but I really suck at falling in love with anyone.

So, I have a feeling that the thing is either to go big or go home. And you know there's no place like home. 

Post by Sally

Managing Human Resources

Dodging, tackling and hooking co-workers

Last Saturday it was time for the summer party of the company I work for. The industry being IT, most of the workforce quite naturally represent men. Guys, cool guys, less cool guys, real geeks, and so on.

Anyway, on an occasion including company like that, open bar service, live music, casual mingling, and Finnish drinking habits – being a female wearing a dress and lipstick – it might be difficult to avoid any sexual references or raunchy talks.

So, at the party, a few times I found myself in a situation that went more or less across the vague line of appropriateness between colleagues.

1. Senior investor of the company touching my private parts. Or more like brutally groping my ass. Really, as if he was a 15-year-old making it to the second base for the very first time. You middle-aged, married, father of two, perv. Very awkward. Very uncomfortable. Definitely not cool.
    
2. Colleague from my team telling he wants to kiss me. Several times – but I couldn’t tell whether he was joking or being serious. Okay, being Italian and drunk might be his excuse, but in any case, it was rather embarrassing than flattering since other colleagues overheard that.
    
3. Mr Office McDreamy telling me about the problems in his relationship. And enquiring after my relationship status. After having flirted a few hours with me. Weird. But interesting. Really interesting.

In all my previous jobs my association with my colleagues has always been purely professional, so I was rather clueless, to be honest. Seriously – what’s the deal? Where’s the line?

Can you get involved with a colleague, or is it an absolute no-no?

Post by Jo

drunk-dial-logics

Behavioral experiments about drunk phone calls

In a dark, northern country like Finland, very few marriages would ever happen without alcohol. Quiet and shy Finns only start talking after a sixpack of beer and in order to get in contact with the opposite sex, it usually takes a couple of Jägermeister shots added. 

Well, luckily we - the current 20 to 30-year-old coolster generation, that lives in the sexiest districts of Helsinki, dresses in American Apparel and COS, ombre-colors their hair and smokes electric shisha pipes - aren't that bad. We have learned to be nice, polite, and social. 

However, alcohol is still the love potion of our social culture. We meet new people while partying. And admit it - we are still shy - and this is why we continue with the process of getting to know each other while being doped by champagne showers. And drunk dialing is weird. This is why I decided to give you all a little handout to decode the drunk contacts based on my own field research of the topic.

You need nothing but the moment of time of the drunk contact, and the case is clear.

Call/Message at 7 pm

He thinks of you as a friend. Or he is Italian.

Call/Message at 10 pm

He thinks you're cool but doesn't know if he is that into you.

Call/Message at 12 pm

He is interested in you. 

Call/Message at 2 am

He is definitely interested in you.

Call/Message at 4 am

This one needs no explanations, right? It's a booty call. He want's to have sex with you. No emotions can be analyzed by this contact since at the moment he is just acting based by his primitive need to breed. 

Call/Message at 6 am

He is in love with you. 

Be my guest.

Post by Sally

Spring/Summer 2013 - the Essentials of the Season

Me and Jo have this funny little habit in our group of friends of announcing themes for each four seasons of a year: themes for our love lives. It's not a dead-searious guideline to follow, it's just something fun to boost our already fabulous single life even more. This exciting seasonality started a year ago, as we both were moving back to Helsinki from our adventurous little field trips around the world - and as we were both in the mood for love.

So, Jo launched the Summer of 2012 the be the greatest of all, a mindblowing, tell-your-grandchildren-about-this, the official Summer of Love.

It went ok. I met a man that changed my world at a rock festival in Belgium. However, though we both were ready to get married, buy a caravan and drive around the world together after the festival weekend, it didn't lead that far in the real world. 

So September started with still no love. Jo, again, thought that it would be time to freshen up our mindset, so the fall became the Fall of Crush. 

It was a flop. Nothing worth mentioning was going on. I ended up dating a skateboarder who was shorter than me and lying myself that maybe I do like this guy, I just don't realize it, because he's so short.. Well, no way. 

After the two seasons of searching for the one, we were really sick and tired of sweet sweet love. It was time for the Winter of Bang.

As a surprise to no one, it was a huge success. 

However, as emotional motherfuckers like we are, we needed something more when the days started to get longer - so this evolved into the Spring of Fling.  

The Spring surprised even myself with the flingy things it brought with it. So as the days have been getting warmer, leaves greener and white wine spritzers more and more enjoyable, the Spring of Fling has pointed out which direction it is leading us. 

So welcome - the Summer of Romance.

Post by Sally

Bang Club Rules aka. how to be friends with benefits

The rulebook for friends with benefits

1. You do not talk about Bang Club.
2. You DO NOT talk about Bang Club.
3. If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the bang is over.
4. Only two people to a bang.
5. One bang at a time.
6. No shirts, no shoes.
7. Bangs will go on as long as they have to.
8. If this is your first night at Bang Club, you HAVE to bang.

 
Yup. Works pretty well.

Friends with benefits, the odd grey area between friendship, one night stands and a proper relationship, might easily develop from convenient, casual sex into an emotional shitstorm if some set of rules for the thingy isn't agreed upon.

Now, I don't mean you should sit down with lawyers to negotiate – just make sure you're on the same page of each other's terms and conditions. Keep it simple, and keep it straight.

I myself have managed to maintain a great friend with benefits for some three months now. Some say it's the longest that such a no strings attached status can last, and that after that it's doomed to get emotionally complicated. Ouch.

Oh well, I guess I'm about to see. In the meantime, I'll continue enjoying myself without the awkward mornings (so, what was your name again?) or being bounded by exclusivity. A win-win.

Post by Jo

Small town issues

They say world is a small town. That between any two individuals in the world there is only a maximum of six degrees of separation. And you know it's true, as it seems that whenever you meet someone, is it in Helsinki, Milan, Singapore or Mexico, you are most likely to find some mutual friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend after getting a bit deeper in knowing each other.

So, from this aspect, Helsinki is like an Amish community – a little village where everyone is more or less related to each other. Everyone knows everyone.

This is a tricky situation when it comes to dating. If there is a million people living in the Helsinki area, from whom approximately 100 000 is at my age range, from whom 50% is female gender, 50% is in a relationship, 30% is uneducated or intellectually inadequate, 20% wear camouflage patterned clothes, and from the remaining part, majority is just too weird, too normal, ex-boyfriends of a friend, have bad breath, racist viewpoints or no confidence, so the remaining amount of men that are actually dateable potential is like, what, twelve?

And of course, all the cool kids hang out in the same courtyard.

So, as a single girl, who in general gets very well along with the opposite gender and is incapable of long-term relationships, I face a problem every once in a while – I get interested in someone, whose friend I have already dated.

It is pretty damn awkward. For everyone. 

My recent date is crazy and weird, fun and good-looking. And so was a good friend of his whom I went out a few times two months ago.

Looking forward to the shit to hit the fan.

Post by Sally

All The Single Ladies

“So, how come you’re still single?”

… Ahem. Awkward.

I’ve never really come up with a good answer to the question. I haven’t even quite understood the whole point with the question – is it supposed to somehow mock me? To compliment me? Or is it just pure wondering?

“Maybe because I’m a complete bitch” is what I’d sometimes like to say, but on the other hand, that might not work with dear old Grandma.

On Sunday I was yet again tongue-tied while meeting an old friend over a cup of late afternoon tea. Since puberty she's pretty much all the time been in a relationship with someone, and she seems to be having a hard time to understand why some people don’t mind that they haven’t yet found their other half/soul mate/significant other/whatever the fuck.

Not even close to smooth, I mumbled something strange, gave a shy laugh and quickly changed the topic before she’d get carried away about hooking me up with some blind date. Awkward, yes indeed.

However, yesterday I came across this miraculous piece of wisdom on the Thought Catalogue. So, here’s to everyone who’s got embarrassed with the above question (or, perhaps, on the darkest of the moments, has questioned it from themselves):

“You’re not single because your standards are too high. Good for you for having standards. It’s not because you didn’t like that really, really good guy who wanted to take you on a date and you just weren’t feeling it. And it’s not because you like to wear pajama pants as soon as you get home and wash all the makeup off your face. You’re not single because you didn’t learn enough from the past or would rather chill on a Friday night with your blanket and a cold beer than shower, get ready, and go out. You’re not single because something is wrong with you.

You are single because you are single. It’s really as simple as that. You haven’t made the connection with another heart yet. You can get dolled up, dress cute, cut your hair, dye your hair, tweeze your eyebrows, put on lipstick and you may still. be. single. You can go out to a bar hoping to meet the love of your life and not find a damn one in the place attractive. And it’s going to remain that way until it’s time for you to find one. Stop hoping for it. Start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for things that you don’t have. There will come a time you’ll meet a boy and you’ll have to give up some of this single freedom you currently have. Start being more thankful. Start doing that now.”

You are single because you are single. How simple, and how very enlightening is that?

Post by Jo

The Critical Step

I don't know on which basis you people evaluate your new love affairs, but for me, you really can't tell if a guy is worth putting any effort for before you have been in bed together.

But this has nothing to do with sex.

Even though I'm not the type of girl that I would spend my lonely nights holding a big fluffy teddybear, dreaming about a man who would gently hold me as I fall asleep, I do believe in the power of touch.

When you spend time in bed for the first time with someone you like, there is two common scenarios of what might happen. First one is that it's nice. It's fun, it's okay. When the regular routine is looming ahead and it's time to start reading emails and hiding from deadlines, you get up like every morning after a good night of sleep: it would be nice to stay to bed, but you rather get up. The bedtime was fun but when it's done, you're just done with it. And this is a bad sign.

The other scenario is that it's just magical. Like, regardless if you actually sleep together or not, it's just amazing. You know, it's like you're creating your own little parallel universe where nothing else matters except for the skin contact. You just simply can't get up. That's the kind of chemistry that causes you being late from work, skipping parties, not answering phone calls or staying inside the house for 36 hours.

If there's no such physical obsession, it never works. I don't know if it's about pheromones, hormones, chemicals or some unexplained divine forces, but even though I would really like a guy, the sex would be superb, but there's just no gut feeling of "let's quit our jobs and move to Siberia so that we can stay in and cuddle for the rest of our lives", I know that sooner or later the thing will suck.

So last night I slept with my new date. It was a "let's lock the doors, skip our duties and forget the real world" kinda thing. But still I was early at the office this morning.

But I'm pretty sure it's just me enhancing my habits. And this thing might be worth, if not putting all in, then at least up the ante.

Post by Sally

Reputation – a turn-on or a dealbreaker?

When meeting new people, I can usually pretty quickly decide whether I find these people interesting or not.

Recently, however, I got puzzled when I met this one boy at a party. He was a friend of a friend, goofy, easy-going and quite a charmer. We had a good time: he was obviously hitting on me, and I was interested. I could've easily been sold, but I was bothered by his reputation: he’d slept with more girls than an average bus can carry, and it was no secret.

I was slightly repelled by the fact – and yet, at the same time, I was intrigued by the other side of the story: rumor also had it that he was simply great in bed. Bang.

Although I had a lot of fun with him, I couldn’t decide if I should be flattered or degraded by his attention. So, when the bar closed, we ended up in an awkward afterparty with some very random people. As the sun started to rise, it was time to decide whether to go big or to go home. I couldn’t chase off the uneasy feeling, and so I decided to head home – alone.

The next day, after a long, sunny picnic with friends and some champagne, in my decreasing day-drunkenness and craving for some closeness, I came to question my decision. A reputation is just a reputation – stories and rumors – so why should I be so much affected by what other people seem to think, instead of relying on my initial reaction?

And right then, I was interrupted in the midst of these speculations and my favorite intimacy substitute Häagen-Datz by a surprising call from my regular/irregular bangbuddy.

I hadn’t heard from him in a while, but the moment I decided to answer to the phone, it came clear to me that it wasn’t the charmer himself I had been interested in last night, but only the chance for some physical action. Reputation matters, it seems, as I was suddenly so happy I hadn’t become his latest conquest.

The guy came to pick me up by a cab, and as we drove to his place, I already forgot about the charmer.

Post by Jo

Type, antitype, blood type, E-type…

Today I started thinking about types. I was sipping a late afternoon espresso with a friend of mine, and after the discussing the hot topics of the day such as Beyoncé changing her username on Instagram, I told my friend whom I went out with the other day.

“Really? Wow… I didn’t think he was your type!”, was the reply she gave me. 

Well. Neither did. This guy and me have nothing in common except a hilarious sense of humor and a big ego.

But what the hell is my type anyway?

During the previous year I have dated a bunch of guys. A tattooed consultant, who cooked a really good lasange. An Italian businessman that was 15 years older than me and drove a ridiculously expensive car. A curly haired snowboarder who, all of a sudden, quit his day job and moved to Australia. An overweighed comedy actor that smoked a lot and was drunk at least three times a week. A blonde-haired male Barbie that was such a perfect gentleman and so by the book that Disney could’ve created him.

My first boyfriend was a long-haired bass-player and the latest one a start-up entrepreneur.

So you get the range. There is no type. There is not a single common feature that I would identify about the men I get interested in.

But yet I consider myself open-minded. Untamed. I surprise even myself with my feelings. Last time I told my friends that I’m really not interested in the guy I just met at the party, as he is really not my type, I ended up being crazy about him after three days (and well, getting my heart broken after three weeks).

So I guess it’s something abstract that I fall for. It’s the bang. The uniqueness. That’s my type. Or maybe I’m just the kind of girl that one day dies for sushi and another day for bouillabaisse. Haha.

Post by Sally

Ps. With this guy, I like his enthusiasm about old school rap music and his ability of not to give a fuck.

Stay hungry, stay foolish

When such a primitive need like hunger ruins your date.

As a food-obsessed control freak and a permanent dieter, I don't really like eating during my dates. To be honest, I hate it. Especially on a first date. This is why it is more challenging for a guy to achieve a complying reply when they ask me out for a dinner, compared to a proposal for a coffee, drink, a concert, mountain climbing... You get it. It's not that I'd have a problem to eat with people, I just think it is too humane and personal for a first date, when you are still building an impression of yourself as an inhumane, magical creature. 

Well, last night I had a date. Or actually I'm not entirely sure if a date is a proper word to describe it, as we are still kinda sagging around a friend zone. And since our actual date was cancelled and we decided to stay in and watch an ice hockey game. Isn't that romantic? 

Anyway, this adorable guy came to my place and we watched the game. It was sweet and we had a really good time, so after the game he stayed for hours to hang out and cuddle. Well, at this point I was really starving. We had been in my apartment for five hours. I'm the kind of person that can easily skip meals when I'm doing something more fun (Ok, this is arguable - is anything more fun than eating?), but I keep forgetting that men have to get food. They are sensitive about it. They don't just function without it. 

So I got a bit uneasy realizing his hunger. I hadn't really prepared to feed anyone, so my fridge was containing skimmed milk, cabbage soup, and eggs. My option was to either let him stay hungry or start cooking eggs - how sexy would that be? I decided not to feed him. 

He left. Thanked me for the night and left with no explanations. I guess whenever you put yourself in the place where a guy has to decide between you and food, food is likely to win. 

Post by Sally