Open Endings

A problem with undefined relationships is telling when they are over. If you never agreed that you’re together, you can’t really break up either.

I’ve started to recognize that my exquisite yet undefined friends-with-benefits thingy just might be over. Before, it used to be him who contacted me – maybe 1 out of 10 times I would call him. However, the last time we saw each other was over a month ago, and since that I haven’t heard anything from him. A few weeks ago I even got to the point of texting him myself, but to my surprise received no reply.

It’s as if he had simply vanished. And I have absolutely no idea why.

The last time we met, he had needed to see me. He left from a party and came to pick me up to his place. “Because they’re not like you”, he said when I asked why. And all of a sudden, poof! Complete silence, on all medias of communication.

I guess open endings will always take some time to digest. However, I’m positive that quitting longing for that someone will open my eyes for other, fresh and exciting possibilities.

Besides, in a city size of Helsinki, we probably cannot avoid seeing each other forever. I don’t mind, though. The times we were together were simply magnificent, and I have no reason to have any hard feelings. So – maybe we’ll smile, maybe we’ll say hi, maybe we’ll even stop and ask how the other one is doing – or maybe nothing of the above.

Time will tell. But for the moment, I will stop wondering what carried us apart. It’s funny how calm I am about this, but I’ve come to realize that I actually don’t long for his presence anymore.

"Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere."

Paulo Coelho

Indeed. And who would not want to go on?

Post by Jo

Bang Club Rules aka. how to be friends with benefits

The rulebook for friends with benefits

1. You do not talk about Bang Club.
2. You DO NOT talk about Bang Club.
3. If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the bang is over.
4. Only two people to a bang.
5. One bang at a time.
6. No shirts, no shoes.
7. Bangs will go on as long as they have to.
8. If this is your first night at Bang Club, you HAVE to bang.

 
Yup. Works pretty well.

Friends with benefits, the odd grey area between friendship, one night stands and a proper relationship, might easily develop from convenient, casual sex into an emotional shitstorm if some set of rules for the thingy isn't agreed upon.

Now, I don't mean you should sit down with lawyers to negotiate – just make sure you're on the same page of each other's terms and conditions. Keep it simple, and keep it straight.

I myself have managed to maintain a great friend with benefits for some three months now. Some say it's the longest that such a no strings attached status can last, and that after that it's doomed to get emotionally complicated. Ouch.

Oh well, I guess I'm about to see. In the meantime, I'll continue enjoying myself without the awkward mornings (so, what was your name again?) or being bounded by exclusivity. A win-win.

Post by Jo