What's your number? And why you shouldn't ask or tell about it

A few days ago I was reading the August issue of the Cosmopolitan Finland magazine. Although I’m usually not taking cosmo-girl talk very seriously, in this issue there was something that I found so ridiculous that it almost made me write their Facebook page to hire editors that have something else than hairspray and Aperol Spritz bubbles in their heads.

The Cosmo advice I was taken aback by was that in case your current bf asks you how many guys you’ve slept with, the rule of thumb is to divide the actual number by four. So to lie that you’ve slept with a fourth of the people you have if telling the truth.

First of all – have you ever been asked? I certainly haven’t. And it has never been in my interest to know with how many people have my dates or boyfriends slept before me. What kind of person asks this from their partner anyway? I can’t picture a single positive outcome that somebody would gain by knowing the amount of people that their special one has shared sexual experiences with.

Second – why would you lie? It’s probably since I’m such a poor liar that nobody would believe my attempt of lying anyway, but I think that the rule of thumb that works best in a relationship is don’t tell lies.

Third – the number doesn’t tell anything from the person carrying it. It’s the past. Even though the number was 120, the person carrying it might have had some serious good time while being 16 years old and afterwards slept with only a few. As well, if the number is 1 or 2, the person might still be a crazy sex addict but happy enough to have found the one person who’ve handled it. So what’s the outcome of knowing the number? Misleading.

And finally – if you still decide to share your number with anyone, be true to yourself and your past sex buddies. If you follow your gut and make choices by your own free will, there should be nothing to be ashamed of. And isn't keeping a number so 1990's anyway?

Post by Sally

Managing Human Resources

Dodging, tackling and hooking co-workers

Last Saturday it was time for the summer party of the company I work for. The industry being IT, most of the workforce quite naturally represent men. Guys, cool guys, less cool guys, real geeks, and so on.

Anyway, on an occasion including company like that, open bar service, live music, casual mingling, and Finnish drinking habits – being a female wearing a dress and lipstick – it might be difficult to avoid any sexual references or raunchy talks.

So, at the party, a few times I found myself in a situation that went more or less across the vague line of appropriateness between colleagues.

1. Senior investor of the company touching my private parts. Or more like brutally groping my ass. Really, as if he was a 15-year-old making it to the second base for the very first time. You middle-aged, married, father of two, perv. Very awkward. Very uncomfortable. Definitely not cool.
    
2. Colleague from my team telling he wants to kiss me. Several times – but I couldn’t tell whether he was joking or being serious. Okay, being Italian and drunk might be his excuse, but in any case, it was rather embarrassing than flattering since other colleagues overheard that.
    
3. Mr Office McDreamy telling me about the problems in his relationship. And enquiring after my relationship status. After having flirted a few hours with me. Weird. But interesting. Really interesting.

In all my previous jobs my association with my colleagues has always been purely professional, so I was rather clueless, to be honest. Seriously – what’s the deal? Where’s the line?

Can you get involved with a colleague, or is it an absolute no-no?

Post by Jo

Bang Club Rules aka. how to be friends with benefits

The rulebook for friends with benefits

1. You do not talk about Bang Club.
2. You DO NOT talk about Bang Club.
3. If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the bang is over.
4. Only two people to a bang.
5. One bang at a time.
6. No shirts, no shoes.
7. Bangs will go on as long as they have to.
8. If this is your first night at Bang Club, you HAVE to bang.

 
Yup. Works pretty well.

Friends with benefits, the odd grey area between friendship, one night stands and a proper relationship, might easily develop from convenient, casual sex into an emotional shitstorm if some set of rules for the thingy isn't agreed upon.

Now, I don't mean you should sit down with lawyers to negotiate – just make sure you're on the same page of each other's terms and conditions. Keep it simple, and keep it straight.

I myself have managed to maintain a great friend with benefits for some three months now. Some say it's the longest that such a no strings attached status can last, and that after that it's doomed to get emotionally complicated. Ouch.

Oh well, I guess I'm about to see. In the meantime, I'll continue enjoying myself without the awkward mornings (so, what was your name again?) or being bounded by exclusivity. A win-win.

Post by Jo