What's your number? And why you shouldn't ask or tell about it

A few days ago I was reading the August issue of the Cosmopolitan Finland magazine. Although I’m usually not taking cosmo-girl talk very seriously, in this issue there was something that I found so ridiculous that it almost made me write their Facebook page to hire editors that have something else than hairspray and Aperol Spritz bubbles in their heads.

The Cosmo advice I was taken aback by was that in case your current bf asks you how many guys you’ve slept with, the rule of thumb is to divide the actual number by four. So to lie that you’ve slept with a fourth of the people you have if telling the truth.

First of all – have you ever been asked? I certainly haven’t. And it has never been in my interest to know with how many people have my dates or boyfriends slept before me. What kind of person asks this from their partner anyway? I can’t picture a single positive outcome that somebody would gain by knowing the amount of people that their special one has shared sexual experiences with.

Second – why would you lie? It’s probably since I’m such a poor liar that nobody would believe my attempt of lying anyway, but I think that the rule of thumb that works best in a relationship is don’t tell lies.

Third – the number doesn’t tell anything from the person carrying it. It’s the past. Even though the number was 120, the person carrying it might have had some serious good time while being 16 years old and afterwards slept with only a few. As well, if the number is 1 or 2, the person might still be a crazy sex addict but happy enough to have found the one person who’ve handled it. So what’s the outcome of knowing the number? Misleading.

And finally – if you still decide to share your number with anyone, be true to yourself and your past sex buddies. If you follow your gut and make choices by your own free will, there should be nothing to be ashamed of. And isn't keeping a number so 1990's anyway?

Post by Sally

What to do on a first date

A friend of mine approached me recently with an enormous worry at his heart. “I need your help”, he said with a mix of anxiousness and embarrassment on his face. “I want to ask a Girl out.”

Poor guy, I thought. The dating culture here isn’t the easiest – we sometimes go on dates, but we don’t really do dating in the on-going, lighthearted sense of the word. In my experience, we somehow lack in the whole concept of casual dating.

Asking somebody out is just so serious. You don’t ask somebody out unless you really are interested in him or her. Going on a date is A Big Deal. And because the whole concept of going on a date is such a big deal, what you do on a date is a big fuss, mess and stress.

My poor friend was getting desperate. “Do you know what She likes to do? On dates, you know? Where should I take Her on our first date?”

Something ordinary with a twist

In my opinion, what you do on a first date doesn’t actually really matter. On the contrary – the simpler, the better. Weird activities, or any utterly romantic ruffle are simply unnecessary, and often just awkward. Bowling, hiking, five-course dinners, or chardonnay tastings? No, no, no and no. And don’t get me wrong, these are all good activities – just not for The First Date.

Go for something that you are comfortable with. Take her for a drink in your favorite cocktail bar, go for a brunch in that cool new place, or take a walk by the sea and buy her an ice cream (it’s a great personality test, by the way) – or do whatever it is that’s your thing.

As long as it’s casual, simple and easy, so that you can focus on the important things – which is, getting to know each other. To see if it’s a click, a match, or a crash-boom-bang.

Because if it is a match, then it really doesn’t matter what you do. And if it’s not, well, then there’s an easy way out.

Even the most perfectly organized date will not make up for a poor match of personalities, so you might as well save yourself from the planning and stress. All that matters is you. Comforting or not, my advice is simple: keep calm and be cool.

Post by Jo

Shaved legs and other absurd summer turn-offs

While summer days are long and warm, they leave no room for covering your imperfections - you just have to put yourself out there.

However, I have been hit by some awful details that summer has revealed about men I have met. Though everyone, even me and Jo, have their imperfections, we thought it might be useful for you men to check out this list about five features that should definitely be avoided in the summer. I'm pretty sure I'm speaking with the voice of all the woman on the Earth.

1. Shaved legs
   
   Few days ago I noticed that a (straight) male friend of mine had shaved his legs. I mean seariously, what is going on? You don't have to be a lady to get laid. We can handle hairy legs. They are okay. Men's legs are not supposed to make us feel like little hobbits in case we've had a busy morning.
    
2. Pastel colors
   
   Even though they are hot every summer, they are best worn by babies and teenaged girls.
    
3. Nudity
   
   Even though summer is the only season in Northern Countries that enables being naked outside, please don't. No matter what the circumstances - whether it's a beach party, a festival, a summer cottage trip or whatever else - too much nudity is always awkward.
    
4. Speedos
   
   Unless you're an Olympics swimmer, see point 3. Five inches of fabric is not enough. And I don't need to be able to see the profile of your penis from 10 meters away from you. Trust me, if I want to know what you have down there, I will find my way. Oh, and pairing them with a T-shirt is only making it worse. A lot worse.
    
5. Sunburned skin
   
   Red skin is not only ugly, it also shouts HEY I'M REALLY DUMB AND I DON'T MIND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF. So c'mon. No way dude.
    

So please, guys. Keep these in mind and you might avoid awkward moments and pitiful looks into your direction.

Post by Sally

Friends and lovers

How to manage when a friend is dating an idiot

Whether we like it or not, we all are making evaluations and ratings about all the people we meet based on their looks, manners and intelligence essence. We all can pretty easily measure, whether we think someone is attractive, smart, funny or delightful. It's rather easy to know whether we want to hang out with somebody or not. Also, we've all been in the situation where the date or a significant other of our friend doesn't really live up to our expectations. 

But do we have the ability or permission to tell a friend whether to toss or take?

A few days ago I met a guy that has been hanging with a really good friend of mine. And it was an instant no-go. I could tell after a minute of being in the same pre-party that this guy has nothing to offer to this BFF of mine. He was not interesting nor funny, not any inspirational mind or intellectual challenge for my smart and thoughtful friend. 

I told my friend about my initial reaction, and to my stunner, she had started to feel the same. This made me think about all the other times, when a new partner of a close friend of mine hasn't really convinced me of being the true match. Basically every time I have been suspicious about someone, the men or women have turned out to be weirdos, dullards, or simply not the right persons. 

So, probably our close friends see us clearer than we see ourselves. They see through us. They see the minor body messages of hesitation that construe in their subconscious mind a message that the guy is not the right for us. They are not as blurred by crush or the haze of emotions. 

Probably trusting a friend's gut might be more valid than trusting our own gut. After all, they are the safety net we'll be landing on whatever happens.

Post by Sally 

Hate the player, not the game

It’s always very exciting to get interested in someone new. I love the game – the looks, the smiles, the flirty talks, the carefully crafted text messages, and all the other little things – to try to figure out whether that other person is interested in you, and whether you yourself are really interested in him.

To me, there has to be a little chase. It’s a thrill to try make an impression and to give out the best possible image of you, and to see how the other one responds. What’s crucial, however, is to find an equal match. I lose my interest in a second if everything is too easy, if I don’t have to make a bit extra effort.

Until now, I’ve never lost my interest because the game would’ve been too complicated. Yeah, until now.

Lately, I’ve been playing around with this one guy, who pretty much corresponds the typical example of whom mums warn their daughters. He’s ridiculously good looking, well behaved, and overall comes across as a really nice guy. We work at the same place (oops), so we see each other quite often. The way he seeks his way to me, the way he talks to me, he really makes me feel like I’d be the only girl in the world – there’s a fire in his eyes, and be damned that smile that’s so hard to resist.

The problem is that he seems to be fascinated by roughly anything as long as it’s wearing a skirt and a little lipstick.

After a few weekends of drunk dialing scored somewhere between interested and very interested on Sally's scale, last Friday we finally happened to meet in a club. I had been guessing that he might be the player type, but boy hadn’t I realized he was such a high roller.

I saw him at the entrance with one girl under his arm. Half an hour later he seemed to be buying a drink to the second, and a while later he didn’t seem to mind the third one trying to French kiss him. It seemed as if he’d done that all on purpose right in front of me, glancing at my way to see how I’d react. Oh, and did I mention he’s still officially in a relationship? (Although be it on the final stretch.)

Honestly, I don’t think I’m up for that. Apparently, I have a limit on how much I’m willing to gamble, and this one just doesn’t seem worth the risk.

Post by Jo

drunk-dial-logics

Behavioral experiments about drunk phone calls

In a dark, northern country like Finland, very few marriages would ever happen without alcohol. Quiet and shy Finns only start talking after a sixpack of beer and in order to get in contact with the opposite sex, it usually takes a couple of Jägermeister shots added. 

Well, luckily we - the current 20 to 30-year-old coolster generation, that lives in the sexiest districts of Helsinki, dresses in American Apparel and COS, ombre-colors their hair and smokes electric shisha pipes - aren't that bad. We have learned to be nice, polite, and social. 

However, alcohol is still the love potion of our social culture. We meet new people while partying. And admit it - we are still shy - and this is why we continue with the process of getting to know each other while being doped by champagne showers. And drunk dialing is weird. This is why I decided to give you all a little handout to decode the drunk contacts based on my own field research of the topic.

You need nothing but the moment of time of the drunk contact, and the case is clear.

Call/Message at 7 pm

He thinks of you as a friend. Or he is Italian.

Call/Message at 10 pm

He thinks you're cool but doesn't know if he is that into you.

Call/Message at 12 pm

He is interested in you. 

Call/Message at 2 am

He is definitely interested in you.

Call/Message at 4 am

This one needs no explanations, right? It's a booty call. He want's to have sex with you. No emotions can be analyzed by this contact since at the moment he is just acting based by his primitive need to breed. 

Call/Message at 6 am

He is in love with you. 

Be my guest.

Post by Sally