What to do on a first date

A friend of mine approached me recently with an enormous worry at his heart. “I need your help”, he said with a mix of anxiousness and embarrassment on his face. “I want to ask a Girl out.”

Poor guy, I thought. The dating culture here isn’t the easiest – we sometimes go on dates, but we don’t really do dating in the on-going, lighthearted sense of the word. In my experience, we somehow lack in the whole concept of casual dating.

Asking somebody out is just so serious. You don’t ask somebody out unless you really are interested in him or her. Going on a date is A Big Deal. And because the whole concept of going on a date is such a big deal, what you do on a date is a big fuss, mess and stress.

My poor friend was getting desperate. “Do you know what She likes to do? On dates, you know? Where should I take Her on our first date?”

Something ordinary with a twist

In my opinion, what you do on a first date doesn’t actually really matter. On the contrary – the simpler, the better. Weird activities, or any utterly romantic ruffle are simply unnecessary, and often just awkward. Bowling, hiking, five-course dinners, or chardonnay tastings? No, no, no and no. And don’t get me wrong, these are all good activities – just not for The First Date.

Go for something that you are comfortable with. Take her for a drink in your favorite cocktail bar, go for a brunch in that cool new place, or take a walk by the sea and buy her an ice cream (it’s a great personality test, by the way) – or do whatever it is that’s your thing.

As long as it’s casual, simple and easy, so that you can focus on the important things – which is, getting to know each other. To see if it’s a click, a match, or a crash-boom-bang.

Because if it is a match, then it really doesn’t matter what you do. And if it’s not, well, then there’s an easy way out.

Even the most perfectly organized date will not make up for a poor match of personalities, so you might as well save yourself from the planning and stress. All that matters is you. Comforting or not, my advice is simple: keep calm and be cool.

Post by Jo

Equality Sucks

One thing that makes dating really fun is being a woman. It means not having to pay for anything.

I know there are two separate schools of thought about this among woman in the western countries. There are women that regard it disgracefully old-fashioned to have a date to pay their dinners and vodka tonics. And then, there are selfish and hedonistic women that don't bother making all the feminists of the world pleased with their actions, since they rather just enjoy the role of a princess that's being honored and served well.

As you might have guessed, I'm definitely the latter type. I do manage my own financials pretty well, but still, especially after having lived in the Southern Europe, where it's seen as loosing face for a guy if a lady pays something herself, I respect a man that pays on a date. 

A few days ago I went on a date. (Yep, I'm still seeing The Guy I was panicing about the last time.) But what made this special, was that I really wanted to pay for my own stuff. I would have felt uncomfortable letting him pay. 

I have tried to analyze why. I'm pretty sure I really like him, but it has never been a problem letting a guy that I really like to pay my stuff. How could I ever get a wedding ring with five digit price tag, if I was uncomfortable letting a man spend his money on me? Ridiculous.

But this time I was. Probably since I feel so equal with him. That there is no power or status differences between us two. We play on the same league. We have a similar Aura. 

We are as cool, as funny, as good looking, as emotional, very alike. 

It's doomed to fail, isn't it?

Post by Sally

Single world problems

When I'm at dinner with my friends and they run through
the list of who is engaged or married from high school

and I'm like...

Source: #myfriendsaremarried

This spring, the single population in our little group of friends has become smaller than ever. The majority of my closest friends are actually in a relationship at the moment.

Whoa. How did this happen?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I couldn’t be any happier for my friends. It’s heart-melting to see the blissful, almost dumb-like smile on their faces when we’re talking about their new sweethearts, huns, and boos.

It’s just… Sometimes a single girl needs another single girl. To talk shit about the lamest ever I-made-a-birthday-cake-to-my-hubby Facebook status update, to drink two bottles of champagne before noon, or to cry her heart out over the guy who went and fucked the dumbass blondie instead of her.

Some days, a single girl needs not to see any couples around her. Today, I got all anxious when I came to think about our plans for the Midsummer holidays: going to a summer cabin for four days with my closest friends, the bunch consisting nowadays of eight couples, and six singles.

If the couples decided to challenge the singles to any team sports, we’d be 16 against 6. Yay.

“But so what? It’s not a big deal, and we’re still the same.”

Yes, and no. Being in a relationship changes you, in my opinion. Not necessarily for worse, but for different.

“But so what? You’ll probably end up being just like us, some day you’ll be in a relationship as well.”

Yes, most probably. That day, I might take a look back at this post and not understand anymore at all what I’ve been writing about. But that day isn’t today, and until that day, I sometimes will need to get to be my selfish and bitchy single self.

Apologies to my more or less married friends. You’re all cool, but sometimes just so very different.

Post by Jo

Small town issues

They say world is a small town. That between any two individuals in the world there is only a maximum of six degrees of separation. And you know it's true, as it seems that whenever you meet someone, is it in Helsinki, Milan, Singapore or Mexico, you are most likely to find some mutual friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend after getting a bit deeper in knowing each other.

So, from this aspect, Helsinki is like an Amish community – a little village where everyone is more or less related to each other. Everyone knows everyone.

This is a tricky situation when it comes to dating. If there is a million people living in the Helsinki area, from whom approximately 100 000 is at my age range, from whom 50% is female gender, 50% is in a relationship, 30% is uneducated or intellectually inadequate, 20% wear camouflage patterned clothes, and from the remaining part, majority is just too weird, too normal, ex-boyfriends of a friend, have bad breath, racist viewpoints or no confidence, so the remaining amount of men that are actually dateable potential is like, what, twelve?

And of course, all the cool kids hang out in the same courtyard.

So, as a single girl, who in general gets very well along with the opposite gender and is incapable of long-term relationships, I face a problem every once in a while – I get interested in someone, whose friend I have already dated.

It is pretty damn awkward. For everyone. 

My recent date is crazy and weird, fun and good-looking. And so was a good friend of his whom I went out a few times two months ago.

Looking forward to the shit to hit the fan.

Post by Sally

Type, antitype, blood type, E-type…

Today I started thinking about types. I was sipping a late afternoon espresso with a friend of mine, and after the discussing the hot topics of the day such as Beyoncé changing her username on Instagram, I told my friend whom I went out with the other day.

“Really? Wow… I didn’t think he was your type!”, was the reply she gave me. 

Well. Neither did. This guy and me have nothing in common except a hilarious sense of humor and a big ego.

But what the hell is my type anyway?

During the previous year I have dated a bunch of guys. A tattooed consultant, who cooked a really good lasange. An Italian businessman that was 15 years older than me and drove a ridiculously expensive car. A curly haired snowboarder who, all of a sudden, quit his day job and moved to Australia. An overweighed comedy actor that smoked a lot and was drunk at least three times a week. A blonde-haired male Barbie that was such a perfect gentleman and so by the book that Disney could’ve created him.

My first boyfriend was a long-haired bass-player and the latest one a start-up entrepreneur.

So you get the range. There is no type. There is not a single common feature that I would identify about the men I get interested in.

But yet I consider myself open-minded. Untamed. I surprise even myself with my feelings. Last time I told my friends that I’m really not interested in the guy I just met at the party, as he is really not my type, I ended up being crazy about him after three days (and well, getting my heart broken after three weeks).

So I guess it’s something abstract that I fall for. It’s the bang. The uniqueness. That’s my type. Or maybe I’m just the kind of girl that one day dies for sushi and another day for bouillabaisse. Haha.

Post by Sally

Ps. With this guy, I like his enthusiasm about old school rap music and his ability of not to give a fuck.

Stay hungry, stay foolish

When such a primitive need like hunger ruins your date.

As a food-obsessed control freak and a permanent dieter, I don't really like eating during my dates. To be honest, I hate it. Especially on a first date. This is why it is more challenging for a guy to achieve a complying reply when they ask me out for a dinner, compared to a proposal for a coffee, drink, a concert, mountain climbing... You get it. It's not that I'd have a problem to eat with people, I just think it is too humane and personal for a first date, when you are still building an impression of yourself as an inhumane, magical creature. 

Well, last night I had a date. Or actually I'm not entirely sure if a date is a proper word to describe it, as we are still kinda sagging around a friend zone. And since our actual date was cancelled and we decided to stay in and watch an ice hockey game. Isn't that romantic? 

Anyway, this adorable guy came to my place and we watched the game. It was sweet and we had a really good time, so after the game he stayed for hours to hang out and cuddle. Well, at this point I was really starving. We had been in my apartment for five hours. I'm the kind of person that can easily skip meals when I'm doing something more fun (Ok, this is arguable - is anything more fun than eating?), but I keep forgetting that men have to get food. They are sensitive about it. They don't just function without it. 

So I got a bit uneasy realizing his hunger. I hadn't really prepared to feed anyone, so my fridge was containing skimmed milk, cabbage soup, and eggs. My option was to either let him stay hungry or start cooking eggs - how sexy would that be? I decided not to feed him. 

He left. Thanked me for the night and left with no explanations. I guess whenever you put yourself in the place where a guy has to decide between you and food, food is likely to win. 

Post by Sally