Top three perks that make single life awesome

The other day I met an old friend of mine for a long time. As usual, after a while of chit-chatting, we got into exchanging the latest news about our love lives – or, actually, there were no news really; she’d been in a relationship with the same guy for the last four years, and me more or less single about the same time.

Anyway, she was rambling on about her boyfriend and how stressed she was about their parents having dinner together, without them. O-M-G I thought to myself, but she kept going on up to the point of preaching how much more relaxed, easy and fun life is when you are single.
 
Pause. If you really hated that much being in a relationship, why wouldn’t you break up?

Exactly. Being in a relationship can be quite awesome.

I kind of shut my ears to the whining – smile, nod, smile, and so on. However, later that day I got back to thinking about the privileges of single life. My friend did have a point. Being single can indeed be very much relaxed, easy and fun, especially for the following three perks.

1. Not giving a fuck
   
   Being single means you don't need to give any fucks about anyone other than yourself. How liberating is that? You don’t have to put up with anybody else’s shit. Be it tiny annoyance or some serious, overwhelming kind of shit that nobody should be put through, it’s shit anyway. Shit. Shit. Shit. And you don’t have to deal with it.
    
2. Freedom
   
   You can do whatever you want to, whenever you want to. A Saturday night out with the girls? Flirting with the cute bartender? Having the whole bed all for yourself? Wearing comfy granny undies? Watching an embarrassing chick flick? Don't mind if I do. Spend all your money on yourself? Go backpacking in India for three months? Move abroad? Go ahead girl.
    
3. That feeling
   
   That feeling when you meet somebody new, interesting and exciting. That feeling when you reply to his text messages. That feeling before the first date. That feeling after the first date. The first time you kiss. The first time you have sex. That feeling.

Of course, there are days when being single feels plain crap, but knowing that there will be a time and a place for a relationship in my life, I won't let it put me down. Single life can be pretty amazing, so you might as well enjoy it to the full. Just ask yourself Am I awesome, and check the answer in the mirror – or here.

Post by Jo

Get Lucky

Not getting laid sucks. It simply sucks. Getting laid regularly is honestly one of the things I miss the most about relationships.

Like any girl in her twenties with a healthy sex drive, I need sex. I need to have sex every now and then. And I’m not talking about any incontrollable sex addiction here, but just basic human needs.

Since I’m not really into random one-night-stands, the situation unfortunately sometimes evolves into a Big Issue. A week without is fine, but in two I start to feel it. In a month it will start to get on my nerves. In three months, which I would’ve reached in a few days… Well, let’s just say that it's impossible to ignore anymore.

Making things worse, it’s as if the whole topic was a taboo. Although in our group of friends we’re not usually too shy when it comes to talking about our sex lives, this is the one topic we never discuss.

And I quite don’t get it – why? Out of sight (or talks), doesn’t here mean that the issue would be out of mind.

On the contrary, I've realized that being all open about it might actually help. The other day, a few girl colleagues and I were sitting over some after work drinks, and the genie was let out of the bottle. We were going through a check on our relationship statuses – “Single”, “Single”, “Single” – when suddenly, one girl blurted out the unmentionable. “Since we’re all single… How long has it been since the last time you had sex?”

At first I was shocked by the outspokenness. And the round of answers was rather miserable, to be honest – “Three months”, “Two and a half months”, “Four fucking months". Luckily, there was one cheerful “Two days, yay!” giving the rest of us a glimpse of hope. Also, it was oddly comforting to realize that the rest of us were all in the same sad boat.

Not getting any really sucks, but I don't think we should get miserable or desperate about it, or to lower our standards and sleep with whomever. Hell no! You might as well be fabulous, for sure that won’t hurt your chances.

Stay strong, girls. 

Post by Jo  

P.S. On Friday, I finally broke my dry season. Finally, finally, I had sex. Fuck yeah.

To be happy is to be free

As me and Jo are writing a blog about single life, it must be pretty obvious that neither of us are the kind of persons who would run from one long-term relationship to another. We both have a lifestyle of being single. We are not really dependent on relationships. Though I love being in love, and of course I look forward to finding that one person who will create the great harmony with my soul and be at the same time the most amazing and the most natural thing, I don’t really feel like I need it to complete me.

I’ve finally discovered the reason why I like being single more than I like being with someone.  As simple as it is, I can control my own happiness while I’m single. I can be happy generally, intensively and joyfully every single day. Since it’s up to me to decide.

Being with someone boosts happiness yet brings the pain. It brings out the stress: stressing about his feelings, your feelings, your future together, and your past together – about everything of you two. Though it’s occasional it’s tormenting.

Last time I had a serious long-term relationship, I ended it because I was not happy enough. I broke up with him not because I didn’t love him, but because I felt I’d be happier on my own.  And though we loved each other more than we had ever loved anyone else, I know it was a right thing to do.

The disease in pursuing the ultimate happiness is that you will always think is this enough? At times I wonder if I can be too pleased with my life on my own, so that I intentionally close out the possibilities of love since I subconsciously feel that I don’t want them to come and ruin my happiness.

Being too content for being by myself provides a risk of missing out something greater. But I hope that pursuing the ultimate condition of happiness will lead me to something that will make my world go upside down. Reaching for the stars will eventually land a Heaven on earth. 

Post by Sally

Open Endings

A problem with undefined relationships is telling when they are over. If you never agreed that you’re together, you can’t really break up either.

I’ve started to recognize that my exquisite yet undefined friends-with-benefits thingy just might be over. Before, it used to be him who contacted me – maybe 1 out of 10 times I would call him. However, the last time we saw each other was over a month ago, and since that I haven’t heard anything from him. A few weeks ago I even got to the point of texting him myself, but to my surprise received no reply.

It’s as if he had simply vanished. And I have absolutely no idea why.

The last time we met, he had needed to see me. He left from a party and came to pick me up to his place. “Because they’re not like you”, he said when I asked why. And all of a sudden, poof! Complete silence, on all medias of communication.

I guess open endings will always take some time to digest. However, I’m positive that quitting longing for that someone will open my eyes for other, fresh and exciting possibilities.

Besides, in a city size of Helsinki, we probably cannot avoid seeing each other forever. I don’t mind, though. The times we were together were simply magnificent, and I have no reason to have any hard feelings. So – maybe we’ll smile, maybe we’ll say hi, maybe we’ll even stop and ask how the other one is doing – or maybe nothing of the above.

Time will tell. But for the moment, I will stop wondering what carried us apart. It’s funny how calm I am about this, but I’ve come to realize that I actually don’t long for his presence anymore.

"Close some doors. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere."

Paulo Coelho

Indeed. And who would not want to go on?

Post by Jo

Lorem ipsum and other useful dating tips

Getting dating tips from married/in-a-relationship friends is one of the things I hate most. Whether their aim is to encourage (“Don’t give up! Mr. Right could be just around the corner!”) or to push (“Better get yourself into the game before all the good ones are gone!”), it’s all as ridiculous and uncomfortable.

Yesterday, I met a few friends on an evening walk by the seaside. One of them (single) was in agony, since her summer job would end already in July, and she didn’t yet know what she would do for the rest of the summer – not to even mention about the finances. Fortunately, the other one (dating) immediately found the right words to comfort her:

“Oh well, you just need to find a man to keep yourself busy!”

I was so shocked I just hysterically laughed at her, but on the inside, I really wanted to ask whether she hit her head two months ago when she met her current boyfriend.

I assume she only meant it to be funny, but as they say, there’s a truth behind every joke. Nevertheless, I sincerely hoped this shitty-relationship-advice-Tourette’s was just a momentary rush of blood to the head, and not a permanent condition.

Advice like this is just empty words to me; it makes me wanna put my hands over my ears and shout LA LA LA as loud as I can.

Dear married/in-a-relationship friends, advice like this is not uplifting or inspiring, nor is it practical or sensible, but it’s. just. awkward.

We might not be single by choice, but moments like these I for sure wish my married friends would consider it to be that way. With all due respect, I wouldn't mind if you just kept these jewels of wisdom to yourselves.

Post by Jo

Equality Sucks

One thing that makes dating really fun is being a woman. It means not having to pay for anything.

I know there are two separate schools of thought about this among woman in the western countries. There are women that regard it disgracefully old-fashioned to have a date to pay their dinners and vodka tonics. And then, there are selfish and hedonistic women that don't bother making all the feminists of the world pleased with their actions, since they rather just enjoy the role of a princess that's being honored and served well.

As you might have guessed, I'm definitely the latter type. I do manage my own financials pretty well, but still, especially after having lived in the Southern Europe, where it's seen as loosing face for a guy if a lady pays something herself, I respect a man that pays on a date. 

A few days ago I went on a date. (Yep, I'm still seeing The Guy I was panicing about the last time.) But what made this special, was that I really wanted to pay for my own stuff. I would have felt uncomfortable letting him pay. 

I have tried to analyze why. I'm pretty sure I really like him, but it has never been a problem letting a guy that I really like to pay my stuff. How could I ever get a wedding ring with five digit price tag, if I was uncomfortable letting a man spend his money on me? Ridiculous.

But this time I was. Probably since I feel so equal with him. That there is no power or status differences between us two. We play on the same league. We have a similar Aura. 

We are as cool, as funny, as good looking, as emotional, very alike. 

It's doomed to fail, isn't it?

Post by Sally

#notimpressed

Last Saturday, I experienced one of the weakest pick-up attempts in a while. My friends and I were at a club opening, standing at the bar, chatting and sipping some sparkly. Suddenly, behind my shoulder I heard a nervous cough.

“Hey… Sorry… We study at the same university, don’t we?”

Struggling to recognize the guy, I was mumbling something resembling a yes, while he already blurted out The Big Question.

“So… Wanna dance?”

Wait… What? That's all? We study at the same university; therefore I should be up for some dryhumping with you, on an empty dance floor size the half of a football field? I don’t think so.

And seriously dude, don’t you have any manners at all – you didn’t even introduce yourself?

Amused, I politely declined the honor, telling him I should already be on my way home. Unfortunately, the poor guy started pleading, and next 10 minutes or so went on like an awkward broken record – “Please”, “No”, “Pretty please”, “No”, “Pleeeeease”, “No way” – and so on, until the guy finally gave up and left.

Making the first impression matters.

When approaching a stranger, aim to make an impression – any impression. Frankly, to me even a bad impression is better than no impression at all. And whatever you decide to do, just don’t apologize yourself. You won’t make an impression by being sorry for who you are.

You don’t have to do anything huge – just be cool and stay smart. Act according to the setting. If, for instance, you can count the people on the dance floor with your fingers, it’s probably better to offer the lady a mojito, not to beg for a booty shake.

Be confident, and be genuine. And please do introduce yourself.

Post by Jo

Single world problems

When I'm at dinner with my friends and they run through
the list of who is engaged or married from high school

and I'm like...

Source: #myfriendsaremarried

This spring, the single population in our little group of friends has become smaller than ever. The majority of my closest friends are actually in a relationship at the moment.

Whoa. How did this happen?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I couldn’t be any happier for my friends. It’s heart-melting to see the blissful, almost dumb-like smile on their faces when we’re talking about their new sweethearts, huns, and boos.

It’s just… Sometimes a single girl needs another single girl. To talk shit about the lamest ever I-made-a-birthday-cake-to-my-hubby Facebook status update, to drink two bottles of champagne before noon, or to cry her heart out over the guy who went and fucked the dumbass blondie instead of her.

Some days, a single girl needs not to see any couples around her. Today, I got all anxious when I came to think about our plans for the Midsummer holidays: going to a summer cabin for four days with my closest friends, the bunch consisting nowadays of eight couples, and six singles.

If the couples decided to challenge the singles to any team sports, we’d be 16 against 6. Yay.

“But so what? It’s not a big deal, and we’re still the same.”

Yes, and no. Being in a relationship changes you, in my opinion. Not necessarily for worse, but for different.

“But so what? You’ll probably end up being just like us, some day you’ll be in a relationship as well.”

Yes, most probably. That day, I might take a look back at this post and not understand anymore at all what I’ve been writing about. But that day isn’t today, and until that day, I sometimes will need to get to be my selfish and bitchy single self.

Apologies to my more or less married friends. You’re all cool, but sometimes just so very different.

Post by Jo

Us vs. Me

Ok. Prepare to get emotional with me. 

The situation between me and The Guy I have been talking about has moved into the state where both of us wonder what's the deal and where are we heading. We have been hanging out for over a month now and it has been enjoyable, fun, and sweet in all the imaginable measures. I like him and he likes me. 

But this is the point where the problems usually start. The point where I start freaking out. 

All this happened just too fast. It was just few weeks ago, when he surprised me on my late night run and in this beautiful night of rainy Helsinki I realized that this might be something more than just friends thing. And now we meet every day. We know the schedules of each others' days. We wash our teeth together before going to bed. We don't do dates or stress about how we look or act with each other. We hang out like a married couple. Last night he actually called me darling before going to sleep.

This is all just what the fuck. As selfish, bitchy, and you're-gonna-be-forever-alone it may sound, I don't like the idea of us instead of just me. I don't like sharing my life. I like to be able to isolate for a weekend and not to talk with anyone if I feel like staying in bed watching How I Met Your Mother and eating peanut butter. I like changing my mind every day and being in a bad mood for no reason without being a harm to no one. I like being spontaneous and kissing whomever I like. I'm really good at falling for people, but I really suck at falling in love with anyone.

So, I have a feeling that the thing is either to go big or go home. And you know there's no place like home. 

Post by Sally

drunk-dial-logics

Behavioral experiments about drunk phone calls

In a dark, northern country like Finland, very few marriages would ever happen without alcohol. Quiet and shy Finns only start talking after a sixpack of beer and in order to get in contact with the opposite sex, it usually takes a couple of Jägermeister shots added. 

Well, luckily we - the current 20 to 30-year-old coolster generation, that lives in the sexiest districts of Helsinki, dresses in American Apparel and COS, ombre-colors their hair and smokes electric shisha pipes - aren't that bad. We have learned to be nice, polite, and social. 

However, alcohol is still the love potion of our social culture. We meet new people while partying. And admit it - we are still shy - and this is why we continue with the process of getting to know each other while being doped by champagne showers. And drunk dialing is weird. This is why I decided to give you all a little handout to decode the drunk contacts based on my own field research of the topic.

You need nothing but the moment of time of the drunk contact, and the case is clear.

Call/Message at 7 pm

He thinks of you as a friend. Or he is Italian.

Call/Message at 10 pm

He thinks you're cool but doesn't know if he is that into you.

Call/Message at 12 pm

He is interested in you. 

Call/Message at 2 am

He is definitely interested in you.

Call/Message at 4 am

This one needs no explanations, right? It's a booty call. He want's to have sex with you. No emotions can be analyzed by this contact since at the moment he is just acting based by his primitive need to breed. 

Call/Message at 6 am

He is in love with you. 

Be my guest.

Post by Sally

Bang Club Rules aka. how to be friends with benefits

The rulebook for friends with benefits

1. You do not talk about Bang Club.
2. You DO NOT talk about Bang Club.
3. If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the bang is over.
4. Only two people to a bang.
5. One bang at a time.
6. No shirts, no shoes.
7. Bangs will go on as long as they have to.
8. If this is your first night at Bang Club, you HAVE to bang.

 
Yup. Works pretty well.

Friends with benefits, the odd grey area between friendship, one night stands and a proper relationship, might easily develop from convenient, casual sex into an emotional shitstorm if some set of rules for the thingy isn't agreed upon.

Now, I don't mean you should sit down with lawyers to negotiate – just make sure you're on the same page of each other's terms and conditions. Keep it simple, and keep it straight.

I myself have managed to maintain a great friend with benefits for some three months now. Some say it's the longest that such a no strings attached status can last, and that after that it's doomed to get emotionally complicated. Ouch.

Oh well, I guess I'm about to see. In the meantime, I'll continue enjoying myself without the awkward mornings (so, what was your name again?) or being bounded by exclusivity. A win-win.

Post by Jo

Small town issues

They say world is a small town. That between any two individuals in the world there is only a maximum of six degrees of separation. And you know it's true, as it seems that whenever you meet someone, is it in Helsinki, Milan, Singapore or Mexico, you are most likely to find some mutual friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend after getting a bit deeper in knowing each other.

So, from this aspect, Helsinki is like an Amish community – a little village where everyone is more or less related to each other. Everyone knows everyone.

This is a tricky situation when it comes to dating. If there is a million people living in the Helsinki area, from whom approximately 100 000 is at my age range, from whom 50% is female gender, 50% is in a relationship, 30% is uneducated or intellectually inadequate, 20% wear camouflage patterned clothes, and from the remaining part, majority is just too weird, too normal, ex-boyfriends of a friend, have bad breath, racist viewpoints or no confidence, so the remaining amount of men that are actually dateable potential is like, what, twelve?

And of course, all the cool kids hang out in the same courtyard.

So, as a single girl, who in general gets very well along with the opposite gender and is incapable of long-term relationships, I face a problem every once in a while – I get interested in someone, whose friend I have already dated.

It is pretty damn awkward. For everyone. 

My recent date is crazy and weird, fun and good-looking. And so was a good friend of his whom I went out a few times two months ago.

Looking forward to the shit to hit the fan.

Post by Sally

All The Single Ladies

“So, how come you’re still single?”

… Ahem. Awkward.

I’ve never really come up with a good answer to the question. I haven’t even quite understood the whole point with the question – is it supposed to somehow mock me? To compliment me? Or is it just pure wondering?

“Maybe because I’m a complete bitch” is what I’d sometimes like to say, but on the other hand, that might not work with dear old Grandma.

On Sunday I was yet again tongue-tied while meeting an old friend over a cup of late afternoon tea. Since puberty she's pretty much all the time been in a relationship with someone, and she seems to be having a hard time to understand why some people don’t mind that they haven’t yet found their other half/soul mate/significant other/whatever the fuck.

Not even close to smooth, I mumbled something strange, gave a shy laugh and quickly changed the topic before she’d get carried away about hooking me up with some blind date. Awkward, yes indeed.

However, yesterday I came across this miraculous piece of wisdom on the Thought Catalogue. So, here’s to everyone who’s got embarrassed with the above question (or, perhaps, on the darkest of the moments, has questioned it from themselves):

“You’re not single because your standards are too high. Good for you for having standards. It’s not because you didn’t like that really, really good guy who wanted to take you on a date and you just weren’t feeling it. And it’s not because you like to wear pajama pants as soon as you get home and wash all the makeup off your face. You’re not single because you didn’t learn enough from the past or would rather chill on a Friday night with your blanket and a cold beer than shower, get ready, and go out. You’re not single because something is wrong with you.

You are single because you are single. It’s really as simple as that. You haven’t made the connection with another heart yet. You can get dolled up, dress cute, cut your hair, dye your hair, tweeze your eyebrows, put on lipstick and you may still. be. single. You can go out to a bar hoping to meet the love of your life and not find a damn one in the place attractive. And it’s going to remain that way until it’s time for you to find one. Stop hoping for it. Start living the life that you do have instead of wishing for things that you don’t have. There will come a time you’ll meet a boy and you’ll have to give up some of this single freedom you currently have. Start being more thankful. Start doing that now.”

You are single because you are single. How simple, and how very enlightening is that?

Post by Jo